*warning: it’s a long post with many pictures! you’ve been warned beforehand (;*
2012. a continuation from 2011 is something i’ve been looking forward to. i was hopeful; carrying along a bundle of wishes and changes that i wished to make for this coming year.
i wouldn’t say 2011 was a great year, neither i would conclude it as a bad one either. as always, there were a mixture of laughter and tears. just that this time round, there weren’t a harmony and balance for there were far too many times when my heart was shattered to pieces time over time.
it was a year of doubts and mistrust as well. the friendship that i spend 2 whole years nurturing are withering away right before me. the moment when she turn a cold shoulder and subjected me to silence treatment is the time when everything fall apart. confrontation was made; little would i know reasons given was far too heart wrenching that i expected it too. i hold on the thoughts that i would pull it through but deep down, i’m well aware i was just pulling a big fat lies to convince myself to hold on to this fragile friendship.
there were traces of cracks in this friendship. had it not because they were someone whom i considered close and precious, i wouldn’t had choose to hold on to it. waiting and holding on there, it was tiring as well as heart breaking. but at least, i would hold on for now till there weren’t a single reason left for me to do so. kinda foolish i am, huh?
yes, overall, i dealt with a lot of stress, disappointments and heart breaking incidents that literally leave me facing life like a living corpse. i was depressed to the point that i was on the verge of committing suicide. come to think of it, had it not because something pull me back to my senses, i would have done what i thought out of sheer desperation.
and i thank god i’m still very much alive and still breathing. at least, i learned and grew up a lot for the past year. i really do.
i learn it was okay for me to do things at my own pace, a baby step at a time.
i realised i’m not obligated to please people and be who they want me to be. i am who i am and there is no point if people can’t accept who i am simply because i’m not who they expected to be.
friends are someone who accepted you for who you are; be it strength and weaknesses. that is to say, friends is someone who would make sure you did not go astray and try their best to stop you from falling into a pitch dark dungeon. that’s to say, they watch your back too. i tried to be a good friend but up to this point, i didn’t know who are my good friend. that’s one point i gotta figure it out slowly,from the beginning again. :)
i learn that people who subject you to alienation out of jealousy are not worth to be called friends. they are just some strangers that came to your life, teaching you real life lessons. that’s all.
stop compromising with people. over the years, it had become a habit of mine simply because i wanted to avoid conflict so much. but then i realised, things don’t work that way. i should start standing up and fight for myself.
stop doubting. yes, i'm literally tired with all this doubting game. from now on, i’ll stop doubting. if i feel it was not worth the pain to wait and hold on, i’ll let go. be it friends or stuff. i’ll move on with my life. i’m not ready to throw my future away for some past.
stop getting intimidated. no one is perfect. instead of getting so intimated, i’ll make it as a motivation for me to be better in every aspects.
i learn that i should love myself more before i love other people. means, i should stop sabotaging my body whenever i’m down or be so hard on myself. and start taking care of my health and groom myself more.
i deserve better things. i deserve better friends. i was much better than i think i am. so there’s no a single need for me to lower my expectation or myself just to please people. i’m just the way i am. =)
i got more things to summarize but then,guess i’ll go with it for the time being. =) oh, here’s some happy things. as i said i was all hopeful, so this is what i did when it’s new year.
literally change my hair colour! got tired of thinking so much that i just go with what’s in my mind! that’s me you are seeing in 2012 =)
How time flies! it seems like yesterday when we were still wearing that light blue pinafore, running around the school. and now, we’re all young ladies pursuing our dreams.well, all ladies except one.haha!
Did i ever mentioned i landed a solo part for the last jazz band concert? played solo for the song ‘unforgettable’ which definitely live up to it’s title. it was rewarding when you get praise by some unexpected player- faizal the electric guitar player saying i did a good job and i got the tone. even ayano said i did improved a lot compared to the rest. it was indeed rewarding!
ah well, i guess i better stop here. this was indeed a super long post! coming up next would be more of my new year crap as well as my new year to do list. guess it’s time for me to compile what i wanna do before i go off track again.
rest well,lovelies =)
of kisses and hugs.
still working on little details though but at least, i did show some progress (talk about procrastination!) more posts coming soon! piccas, texts, random rumbles, etc etc etc. for now,gotta pull off some reading and anime (nodame cantabile,yesh!) as a reward after a full long day!