First

and so,jazz band concert is finally over.i had fun performing in the concert minus the running i did throughout that time that make me feel like jelly just minutes before performance start.ah well,since i burn a lot of calories from it,i shall overlook it for this time.=D

it was my 2nd jazz band concert but little did i know,yesterday itself marks many of my first time.

the first time someone told me i look beautiful that night even though i just wore plain attire and make up.

the first time someone gave me a big bouquet of flowers (hide my feeling even though i really like it)














and it's the first time someone confess that he like me.

little did he know that he make that night special to me and to be frank,i cant help but smiling when i look at that bouquet of flower.

"i think i need more time and to take things slowly." is all i answered.he look a bit dissapointed but i do wonder whether he realise that i was actually giving him a chance to go after me.

again,little did he know that if he is persistant enough,he might actually get what he want.and again,that is if he realise that and did not give up half way.

as you keep on walking,you'll reach a point where there's junction with many splitting road instead of a straight one.you were then force to make a decision whether you like it or not-to take the road not taken or the road where majority opt to.in each decision you makes,it changes your life forever.

if we are lucky enough,we are able to seek the things we want.or so to said,we did make the right decisions.

but that is,if,we make the right one.


the me right now is standing in front of a crossroad.looking at both roads,i was pondering hard.will i made decisions that promised me happy memories or will it only lead me walking down the path filled with regret and dissapointment?

truth be told,i'm afraid right now.but no one knows.

And christmas just passed.=] christmas spend together with love one;with family and childhood friends make me feels lile a little kid again.thank you santa for such a wonderful christmas right now.that's exactly what i need for christmas =D merry christmas !

feeling under appreciated.

and is tired of trying to break free from being under a shadow.perhaps,thing was never meant to be in the first place.

what meaning does it hold when you always feel out of the place or worse,more often feeling alone in the crowd?to make it more ironic,it never fail to happen at the place that enable you to do the thing u like the most.

perhaps,being invisible is not a good bad idea after all.at least,it do make me feel better than being under appreciated and like a doll.

music making and team building is SUPPOSE to be fun.for thinking i can let it go just like that,i'm indeed am such an idiot.

there's too many knots and i didn't know where i should start to untangled it.

or,should i said it's a mixture of feeling right now?i don't seem to be able to identify my feeling anymore.put it simple,i don't even know what i want.

the questions "do you like him?" "do you think he has a chance?" and "what do you feel about him?" send me in a state of shock.after all,these questions never cross my mind -in a state where i have to seriously consider bout it- before.

i would be lying if i said i never thought of giving him a chance.but,in a relationship,i do believe that 2 party should get to know each other well enough before they took it further to another stage.not just jumping in a conclusion for the sake just because you got rejected and made through disappointment a few times.

if only people know the real me and my real need.i need a guy that can make me feel safe and secure-not someone that's draining me both mentally and physically.
i need someone that's persistent enough and does not give up easily.
i need someone that know the boundary between personal and work matter.
i need someone that know how to give and take - i don't give and take easily.but if i do,i really meant it from deep in my heart and it gonna be in a very indirect way.
i need someone who are willing to spend time to know me well,just like i do-because i know well how complicated people can be since i am one of those complicated person.

i would be lying again if i said look doesn't matter.but,if that someone do sincerely love me the way i am, willing to spend time to know me well instead of forcing himself on me,i'm ready to accept that someone regardless of their look.after all,what i really need is someone that love me dearly.

to get me,you have to go extra miles to uncover my masks.patient and time are needed, with a promise that you'll get what you want in return.

i expected the situation,i knew it well all along.and yet,why am i feeling so dissapointed?

feeling unappreciated is definetly the worse feeling ever.being made transparent in front of the whole band add salt to the wound.so tell me,am i suppose to feel dissapointed even though i knew it all along?i had enough of it and i'm sick having to endure this kind of feeling.

it's not like we refuse to play or put any effort into learning the whole songs.we did put effort it just that like 'you' said,we face a lot of obstacles-time constraint is the major factor of course.and certainly 'you' just can't expect us to play like professional in just less than 2 weeks time.mind you,i just pick up flute in less than 3 months and for me to be able to play most of the part in the repertoires,what esle do you expect?

i had enough with everything.i do really wish i cant choose not to give a damn about whatever things that is happening.

but again,if only i was able to do it.at least i was spare from waves of dissapointment.............

music making in jazz band,definetly is not fun at all at this point,and i meant it.

is it gong to be a dream come true or nightmare?

for once,i felt like i made the right decision-keeping silence and concerntrating on just learning those pieces of music.isolating myself from all those dramas do really do me more good than harm.=)even though at times i had to control myself from bursting off some people just get my nerve on.

the best thing in the world are by no doubt,hard to obtain.so,perhaps,killer songs would promise me pure satisfaction in return?let's just hope that i can learn all those songs,especially death ray boogie,all those triplets in la mer and many more killer songs to go.

cross fingers i'll survive.i meant to write more but.....for now i cant resist the temptation to sleep after such a long day.

write soon and nitez peeps!

it's the midst of holiday and instead of staying at home or go traveling,here i am-stuck in university for another 2 weeks before going break for christmas break.

looking back,it's funny how things can change so drastically in just a year time.i used to look forward to attend practises back then.but now?put it simple,i'm feeling dread when the thought of attending pratices ever cross my mind.and yet,i find it ironic as the thing that i dread of is actually the thing i love the most-making and learning music,that's is.

i thought about it long and hard.what is the main reasons for this sudden change?is the problems lies in me?who's at fault?who's to blame?

it sure took me quite a while to realise it but in the end,perhaps i'm the one that have change.the me now is not the girl back then when she just enter university not long ago.i find it hard to accept things that are totally contradict with my beliefs as well as act that was against the moral values i upheld.

putting that asidee,i was trying to avoid someone there (@_@).it wasn't obvious at first.well,not until my 21st birthday when he just suddenly gave me a super big teddy bear which is almost 5 inch tall as my birthday present which was more than enough to put me in a state of shock.i dismiss the possibility that my friends told me at first (according to them,a guy has the intention to court the girl when they actually gave a teddy bear to a girl) but over time,i do feel something is wrong somewhere and to be frank,it freak me out.

reason?that guy turns out to be my flute tutor ...... at jazz band. =________________=" almost like something that comes out in the blue.

well,i guess for now,i'll just leave it as it is.with so many killer songs to learn in such a short time,i don't really have any time o figure out those nonsense right?let's just hope things stay the way it is now-though i can't really stand a few people there.i just didn't want things to get anymore complicated-with all those dramas that surround me everyday.=.="

as for now,let's just hope i'll survive this 2 bloody weeks.

Why did i feel like i was waiting for the rain in the draught?it feels like i was waiting for something impossible.somwthig that's never meant to be.something that's useless.something that can onlu remain as dream.or am i had been searching for a tiny bits of sand in the vast ocean?

an escape from the hustle and bustle of the city once in a while might be a good idea after all. =)

and so,i found myself on a one day trip with ciara,pei yek and ben.and i had whole lot's of fun there;the cool breeze and the green green scenery makes me feel calm and happy.

but anyhow,will just let the pics do all the talking =)




BOH TEA-it's a nice place to have a drink and a chat there.




while having tea......somehow we ended up cam whoring at that place.XD




of morning glory and hibiscus.....



say hello to the beau of nature! =D




strawberry farm....what is cameron highland without strawberry?




and this was taken at the side of the road.and the ones with me,of course my precious in uni! XD


oh yea,here's my boy (kinda random,yes i know but somehow i feel like posting his pic! =D)from a kiddo a few months back then,he's a big boy now.love him so much!






my little precious!