i realised why i hate dogs do much and it amazed me how the movie 'marley and me' never failed send tears dancing around my cheeks in a carefree manner no matter how many times i watched it.that's it, i hate dogs!i hate the movie 'marley and me'!
it used to be fear,not hatred that lies in me from when i was young till i was a grown up (21 is consider as a grown up rite?hmm...maybe...)well,i always thought that dogs are somehow....scary?they look like monster,with their big strong teeth and groan whenever people walk near them.ok,i admit,i'm a scaredy cat at that time.and...am still now.beat me!
it wasn't till 2007 when dad decided to adopt a dog (dad finally gives in after being pester by my younger brother) and instead of pet dogs like maltese,chihuahua or shi tzu,it was a guard dog and of all the guard dogs,it's a rod weiler.=.=" 'praise god!' is the words that's been dancing in my mind.after 1 month,the cute lil' innocent looking pup,max finally arrived at our home.
as expected from a guard dog,max was enormous....yes,HE IS ENORMOUS!!! he was almost as tall as me when he stand up (my height is 163cm to begin with) and somehow,he was one of those dog that my family consider as a 'jakun'.he was scare of lorry and cow to the extend that he wet himself,unconsciously and yeah,he's afraid of fireworks and thunder.he make me feel guilty for refusing him with his 2 big marble-like innocent eyes without fail!he 'chopped' down my grandma's papaya tree when my granny was away for singapore for 2 weeks,sliced granny's pandan tree to thin slices,bully my mum,and at one point of the time,he indeed 'sexually harrass' me.somehow,he just love to hug me to the point that he refused to let me go once i step out of the house.so sexually harrass somehow,fit in for me.
well,that was when he was young.i always thought that he was a nuisance but,without me realising it,i started to get used to his presence.max never failed to greet me when i came back home;be it from tuition or school.and the funny thing is,i just love to disturb him.XD.each of my family members,too,fell in love with him without realising it.it aches my granny's heart whenever max fell sick and believe it or not,max was like granny's youngest grandson in our family.
i remember that evening vividly.it was a day before i'm supposed to return to university after my 1 week break.max just recover from fever and i didn't know why,i felt so special when i took max out for a walk.we sat in front of our balcony,staring at the passerby and the clear blue sky,with a soft pat at max's body.the feeling i felt at that time,somehow,words just can't explain it and i told myself,i'm gona do this more often with max on my next holidays.little did i know that there'll never be another time;for it was the last time.
i'll never forget the day dad told me max was very sick,the day when max was diagnosis with kidney failure and leukimia and the day he pass away.in a instance,all i wanted to do was to get home but boy,finals was around the corner at that time.i cried for 3 days straight,my tears go berserk.i resented god for snatching max away from me.i resented everyone for the things that happened.max was only 2 years old,not 12!
before i knew it,i started to hate the idea of going home.i didn't know why.perhaps it's because going home reminds me of max.i wasn't eager to go home during my semestar break.every corner of my house reminds me of max and it wreck my heart.
it's been 7 months since max leave me.i thought i got over with it already.little did i know,i didn't.i still refuse to look at max's picture,for fear that tears will rolled down my cheeks again.i'm still afraid to face the truth after all.
rookie is our new dog and dad adopted him shortly after max's death.i was against it but still dad went on with his plan.it's not like we get over max's death that fast,instead,we didn't want granny to feel so lonely.
to be frank,i still can't open my heart to rookie.perhaps,i was afraid of going through the same pain again.i love them enough to hate them.the the reason why i hate dogs is,losing them is just like losing a relative.it wreck your heart deep enough that you'll remember it for the rest of your life.
i hate them and yet on the same time i love them.just when will i stop running again?
Sunday 25 July 2010
Thursday 22 July 2010
FINALLY!!!!!i'm feeling healthy enough - without diarrhea,gastric and what-so-ever that'll send me rolling on my bed all day long; be it day or night! ok,i'm not fully that healthy yet,at least,mr diarrhea and mr gastric decided to slowly excuse themselves. (thank god!!)
come to think of it,i've never been this sick for like.....many years???down with flu and sorethroat at times and maybe a bit fever and mild gastric.but this time round,i'm not sure of what i've done that make my body resented me and decided to take revenge on me and ah ha!!!flu,sorethroat and fever for 2 days, gastric pain that send me rolling on the bed (i give up rolling half way coz my energy are all drained) for 5 days and yeah,diarrhea for 3 days.cool combination huh?
newae,now that i'm slowly recovering,im glad those ordeals was past.surviving with oni a few slice of biscuits and a cup of milo or warm milo definetly not a nice way of living.especially when you're down with diarrhea when you almost eat nothing!!!combination of diarrhea and gastric is the worst!!!!why??well,you're practically in pain to the point that you lost the ability to identify whether is gastric pain or diarrhea.for me,i thought it was gastric but found myself squatting in the toilet,diarrhea-ing and gastric on the same time.cool huh??
and so,lesson of the day?NEVER EVER DO THINGS THAT UPSET YOUR BODY OR MAKE YOUR BODY RESENT YOU.you can't afford to be in their game.pleased them,you'll lead an easier life.=)
by the way,another random post.i just found out that i was one of the winner for mix fm online contest!i completely forgot bout it til my mum hand me the book- cecelia ahern's the book of tomorrow!!!!!so yeah,i was excited bout it;i've been wanting this book for so long but couldn't bring myself to buy it cause it's expensive and i'm broke.here's a glimpse of my precious!!
ain't she's lovely??? ok,i confess,i'm a book addict and book are one of the thing that can get me feel excited in less than 5 seconds.XD
come to think of it,i've never been this sick for like.....many years???down with flu and sorethroat at times and maybe a bit fever and mild gastric.but this time round,i'm not sure of what i've done that make my body resented me and decided to take revenge on me and ah ha!!!flu,sorethroat and fever for 2 days, gastric pain that send me rolling on the bed (i give up rolling half way coz my energy are all drained) for 5 days and yeah,diarrhea for 3 days.cool combination huh?
newae,now that i'm slowly recovering,im glad those ordeals was past.surviving with oni a few slice of biscuits and a cup of milo or warm milo definetly not a nice way of living.especially when you're down with diarrhea when you almost eat nothing!!!combination of diarrhea and gastric is the worst!!!!why??well,you're practically in pain to the point that you lost the ability to identify whether is gastric pain or diarrhea.for me,i thought it was gastric but found myself squatting in the toilet,diarrhea-ing and gastric on the same time.cool huh??
and so,lesson of the day?NEVER EVER DO THINGS THAT UPSET YOUR BODY OR MAKE YOUR BODY RESENT YOU.you can't afford to be in their game.pleased them,you'll lead an easier life.=)
by the way,another random post.i just found out that i was one of the winner for mix fm online contest!i completely forgot bout it til my mum hand me the book- cecelia ahern's the book of tomorrow!!!!!so yeah,i was excited bout it;i've been wanting this book for so long but couldn't bring myself to buy it cause it's expensive and i'm broke.here's a glimpse of my precious!!
ain't she's lovely??? ok,i confess,i'm a book addict and book are one of the thing that can get me feel excited in less than 5 seconds.XD
Wednesday 14 July 2010
i found this post on facebook and yeap,it was a touching story.it's ironic when we just fail to see the truth behind an incident.often,we let anger take control,perhaps,simply because we felt embarrassed about something and wanting to avoid from becoming a laughing stock.
to be frank,i used to hate my parents a lot too.it's not that i felt they're embarrassing me,rather,i felt they're being unfair to me.i have 2 brothers and i'm the second child in the family.throughout my childhood,often,i was often subject to comparison and for most of the time,i resented them for doing so.i felt unfair; my strengths was overlook and my weakness was despised.i worked hard to get myself out from my brothers' shadow but after sometime,i gave up and start blaming everyone for all those happenings around me.and,it started when i was 16.
i studied hard and prayed hard that i could enroll in local university of my choice and i succeeded.got myself a place in university of science malaysia.at that very time,i thought i secure a ticket for myself; a ticket that would promise me freedom,new circle of friends and in search of the things that i long for.
and that was when i was still a freshie in university.now that i'm a second year student,i came to understand a lot of things.i learned some in a very hard way,other's,i guess from all those thinking that i did in my daily life.not forgetting from reading as well!but,at the end of the day,it's all about opening your eyes to your surrounding.at times, we might be too busy to notice what's happening around us (in my case,i admit i was being thickhead) but sure enough,it won't do you any harm right?all it require was a bit of your attention and,you'll stumble upon something precious.=)
i changed in a lot of ways especially in my perception towards life.i started to appreciate every single small things that happened to me;no matter how trivial it is.of course,i do still make mistakes.i overlook people's kindness sometime;i'm trying to do something about it.i still can't sort out my emotions at times,i guess i still have a long way to go.=)
oh yeah,this is the post i found on facebook,from a group called "My attitude in exams, they give me questions I dont know, I give them answers they dont know :D" (don't you think this group reflect us, as students?? XD.one thing i can said,it applies on me.haha!!
and the story goes like this.......
" My mom only had on eye i hated her she was such an embarrassment , she was a cook she cooked for teachers and students to support the family , there was this 1 day during elementary school when my mom came to say hello to me , i was so embarrased how could she do this to me?! i ignored her,threw her a hateful look and ran out , the next day at school one of my classmates said to me ' eeeooo your mom has only one eye ' , i wanted to bury myself i also want my mom to just disappear , so i confronted her that day and said ' if you're gonna make me a laughing stock why don't you just die ?!' , i didn't even stop to think a second about what i had said because i was full of anger , i was oblivious to her feelings , i wanted to get out of that house , so i studied really hard and got a chance to study in singpore , then i got married , i bought a house of my own , i had kids of my own , i was happy with my life , then one day my mother came to visit me , she hadn't seen me in years , and she didn't even meet her grandchildren , when she stood by the door , my children laughed at her , i screamed at her ' how dare you come to my house and scare my children , get out of here now , my other quietly answered ' oh i'm so sorry i may have gotten the wrong address ' , and she disappeared out of the sight , one day a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house , so i lied to my wife and told her that i was going to a business trip , after the reunion i went to my old house just because i was curious , my neighbours said that my mother died , i didn't give a single tear !! , they gave me a letter she wanted me to have , '" My dearest son , i think of you all the time , i'm sorry that i came to singapore and scared your children , i was so glad when i heared that you are coming to the reunion , but i may not be able to even get out of bed to see you , i'm sorry that i was a constant embarrassment in your life , do you know that when you were very little you got into an accident and lost your eye , as a mother i couldn't stand watching you growing up with one eye , so i gave you mine , i was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world with my eye , with my love to you ,
your mother "
with this picture at the end of the story......
don't you think this bring back memories??? =)
to be frank,i used to hate my parents a lot too.it's not that i felt they're embarrassing me,rather,i felt they're being unfair to me.i have 2 brothers and i'm the second child in the family.throughout my childhood,often,i was often subject to comparison and for most of the time,i resented them for doing so.i felt unfair; my strengths was overlook and my weakness was despised.i worked hard to get myself out from my brothers' shadow but after sometime,i gave up and start blaming everyone for all those happenings around me.and,it started when i was 16.
i studied hard and prayed hard that i could enroll in local university of my choice and i succeeded.got myself a place in university of science malaysia.at that very time,i thought i secure a ticket for myself; a ticket that would promise me freedom,new circle of friends and in search of the things that i long for.
and that was when i was still a freshie in university.now that i'm a second year student,i came to understand a lot of things.i learned some in a very hard way,other's,i guess from all those thinking that i did in my daily life.not forgetting from reading as well!but,at the end of the day,it's all about opening your eyes to your surrounding.at times, we might be too busy to notice what's happening around us (in my case,i admit i was being thickhead) but sure enough,it won't do you any harm right?all it require was a bit of your attention and,you'll stumble upon something precious.=)
i changed in a lot of ways especially in my perception towards life.i started to appreciate every single small things that happened to me;no matter how trivial it is.of course,i do still make mistakes.i overlook people's kindness sometime;i'm trying to do something about it.i still can't sort out my emotions at times,i guess i still have a long way to go.=)
oh yeah,this is the post i found on facebook,from a group called "My attitude in exams, they give me questions I dont know, I give them answers they dont know :D" (don't you think this group reflect us, as students?? XD.one thing i can said,it applies on me.haha!!
and the story goes like this.......
" My mom only had on eye i hated her she was such an embarrassment , she was a cook she cooked for teachers and students to support the family , there was this 1 day during elementary school when my mom came to say hello to me , i was so embarrased how could she do this to me?! i ignored her,threw her a hateful look and ran out , the next day at school one of my classmates said to me ' eeeooo your mom has only one eye ' , i wanted to bury myself i also want my mom to just disappear , so i confronted her that day and said ' if you're gonna make me a laughing stock why don't you just die ?!' , i didn't even stop to think a second about what i had said because i was full of anger , i was oblivious to her feelings , i wanted to get out of that house , so i studied really hard and got a chance to study in singpore , then i got married , i bought a house of my own , i had kids of my own , i was happy with my life , then one day my mother came to visit me , she hadn't seen me in years , and she didn't even meet her grandchildren , when she stood by the door , my children laughed at her , i screamed at her ' how dare you come to my house and scare my children , get out of here now , my other quietly answered ' oh i'm so sorry i may have gotten the wrong address ' , and she disappeared out of the sight , one day a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house , so i lied to my wife and told her that i was going to a business trip , after the reunion i went to my old house just because i was curious , my neighbours said that my mother died , i didn't give a single tear !! , they gave me a letter she wanted me to have , '" My dearest son , i think of you all the time , i'm sorry that i came to singapore and scared your children , i was so glad when i heared that you are coming to the reunion , but i may not be able to even get out of bed to see you , i'm sorry that i was a constant embarrassment in your life , do you know that when you were very little you got into an accident and lost your eye , as a mother i couldn't stand watching you growing up with one eye , so i gave you mine , i was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world with my eye , with my love to you ,
your mother "
with this picture at the end of the story......
don't you think this bring back memories??? =)
Tuesday 13 July 2010
newae,had steamboat with 3 of my coursemates and my ex-roomate and it was awesome!my ex-roomate brought the soup base paste all the way from beijing and we had a fun time spending time together since we won't be able to meet each other that often once assignments,presentations and exams are waiting for us. -___-".
i browse through facebook just now and stumble upon a few people whom i haven't been in contact in them at all for few years and my,i was shocked at the fate that they've changes soooo much!!perhaps,it was me that's did not,all this while, realise that people go on with their life too.>.<
and,i began to wonder how are they doing now?seriously,if i were to meet up those people again (some of them are wonderful people!) i'll tried to make up for the time i leave and neglect.
i browse through facebook just now and stumble upon a few people whom i haven't been in contact in them at all for few years and my,i was shocked at the fate that they've changes soooo much!!perhaps,it was me that's did not,all this while, realise that people go on with their life too.>.<
and,i began to wonder how are they doing now?seriously,if i were to meet up those people again (some of them are wonderful people!) i'll tried to make up for the time i leave and neglect.
Friday 9 July 2010
Back Then,Now That
time flies,it really do.looking back now,i see myself as a kiddo; with naive perception towards people and world.i'm not ashamed with my childish attitude and though i enjoyed being a kid at that time,i was counting away days when i will be an adult - capable to stand on her very two on feet.
long gone are the days when i spend my entire day at school doing nothing but laughing out loud with my friends,migrating from one class to the other,making teachers whom we know care for us from the bottom of their heart go mad and lots more.i were such a nuisance back then at secondary school.wel,not the type that play truants and stuff.just being a bit cheeky and mischievous (hmmm....at least that's what i think.=P)
things are different now that i'm a 2nd year university students.i was catching up with my old buddies when it suddenly strikes me that 'hey,look at us now.we've really grown up a lot!'instead of being boyish,we're a lot feminine now (steps closer in being a lady perhaps?) we wear make up,dress and heels instead of jeans,tshirt and sport shoes when we're attending occasions.shorts and nice tops instead of school tshirt and pyjamas-sort-of-like pants when we went for tea.
realising this,i do daydreams; in the next 4 years,we'll bring our boyfriends along when we go out for teas and introduce each other.maybe a few years after that,attend each other wedding day.10 years later on,when we meet up again,perhaps we'll each have kids on our own.
okay, i know.i'm seriously daydream too much.haha...but hey,im at the age where i feel it's pretty normal for me to dream bout it.(im oni 21 this year and not that old yet!)and yeah,having a family and a few kids on my own was one of my motto in life as well as becoming a successful journalist.=)and im not ashamed with it.
having a dream means you're a step closer in realising it- at least that's what i tink.XP
this is me and my friends back then when we're just 17.
current us.=).
long gone are the days when i spend my entire day at school doing nothing but laughing out loud with my friends,migrating from one class to the other,making teachers whom we know care for us from the bottom of their heart go mad and lots more.i were such a nuisance back then at secondary school.wel,not the type that play truants and stuff.just being a bit cheeky and mischievous (hmmm....at least that's what i think.=P)
things are different now that i'm a 2nd year university students.i was catching up with my old buddies when it suddenly strikes me that 'hey,look at us now.we've really grown up a lot!'instead of being boyish,we're a lot feminine now (steps closer in being a lady perhaps?) we wear make up,dress and heels instead of jeans,tshirt and sport shoes when we're attending occasions.shorts and nice tops instead of school tshirt and pyjamas-sort-of-like pants when we went for tea.
realising this,i do daydreams; in the next 4 years,we'll bring our boyfriends along when we go out for teas and introduce each other.maybe a few years after that,attend each other wedding day.10 years later on,when we meet up again,perhaps we'll each have kids on our own.
okay, i know.i'm seriously daydream too much.haha...but hey,im at the age where i feel it's pretty normal for me to dream bout it.(im oni 21 this year and not that old yet!)and yeah,having a family and a few kids on my own was one of my motto in life as well as becoming a successful journalist.=)and im not ashamed with it.
having a dream means you're a step closer in realising it- at least that's what i tink.XP
this is me and my friends back then when we're just 17.
current us.=).
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