mentally exhausted, writer’s block, totally unmotivated, in dire need of inspiration and above all,homesick.

perhaps, i’ve reach a point in my life (for now) where i totally feel unmotivated and doesn’t feel like doing anything (which i know it’s a bad thing but i can’t help it!)

or perhaps, i played to hard for the last few days; went for a glimpse of night life for like twice in a week? and going again this friday right after communication night? maybe that’s the reason?

i don’t have a slight idea why am i feeling this way. it almost feel like the things i’m doing right now is pretty useless. too much obligations to begin with and it’s suffocating; writing too me,shouldn’t be something that was bound and obliged by so many unseen things!

too much pressure to perform well coming in; yea, perhaps i was expecting myself to have a good performance in everything i do.what to prove, i don’t know. maybe coz of my kiasi and kiasi syndromme (wtf!) it’s killing me and im dragging my group members as well.someone give me a wake up slap please?

ended up with ‘lazy song’ by bruno mars crossing my mind every now and then, with sleepiness and tiredness haunting me almost every second every minutes every hour and everyday. =/ with sinful eating habits, and again, i lost control of myself. yea, hormones imbalance and period coming soon. =__________=

exam timetable sent me a heart attack, 2 core papers and 1 major papers in 3 continuous day. tell me how to survive it?

 

it’s monday, yet i’m praying hard for friday.

A date with Ciara today at Queensbay Mall. and without anyone of us realising it,we actually spend the whole day there. =.=”

went to watch ‘Black Swan’ and i would say it’s a good one.but,an advise,never ever watch that movie alone and in night time.trust me,watching “Black Swan” is like watching a horror movie,well minus the fact that you have no ghost element in it.but just human alone is more than enough to make you cover your eyes halfway through the scene and freak you out with the effect lasting throughout the days.jeez.but it’s a movie worth watching. =)

and we get ourselves some stuff from forever 21. =) accessories and scarf.i bought quite a lot of scarf but i rarely wear them and i have no idea why i’m so into scarf.sigh.oh, and a pair of earing for me and another 2 pair for yan qi and yuen shin as their birthday prezzie =D i even bought birthday cards and i have no idea how on earth i actually did that.perhaps i go haywire again but somehow,this year,i feel like giving them one. =D

here i am,sitting at my study table,copying down all the posts that i posted at a notebook.i just realised that i have actually own 3 blogs-2 from the past and have more than 120 posts. how long it took me to copy it all,i have no idea but well,i guess i still like the touch of paper after all.

or maybe,i just wanted to make sure all my thoughts will not disappeared,ah well,we won’t know what happened in the future right?and they said information on papers like books last more than in digital form.and who knows there’s people actually reading my diaries in the next few hundred years to come. =)

Life doesn’t provide you a point of turning back for certain thing in life.

and it’s okay if you needed time to let go of things

for instead of dwelling in the past

just get over it and move on with your life.

ok. as i mention b4 . U r the last 1 im gona fall in luv. Means im nt goin to find anyone else ady. Thanx for understanding

a simple email composed on the wee hour.a simple email that tells more than it shows.a simple email that reveal who you really are.

Goodbye. Its best for me to forget about you. Its hurt. But in time, I’ll heal. Sry.

a simple text message received in the afternoon. a simple text message that tells me whole lot more about you.

perhaps,i made a mistake at the beginning.i should have said no from the beginning.i shouldn’t have let my heart waver.i once take in consideration,it cross my mind to give it a try.

i give you hints,i drop you a little light of hope here and there.i want you to know more about me, listen carefully to what i have to say, what’s in my mind. but you were too busy going forward. you were too busy to realise that i was actually telling you countless of time to be patient,trying hard to drop you hint on who i was.

but again, you are too busy.as if you wanted to get into a relationship out of sheer desperation. you fail to listen and you fail to understand.you cant even show me that you hold onto your words.neither did you show me that you are a person that was willing to forgive and forget. you fail to show me the true meaning of love.

now i know why all along i was afraid.i was in doubt and was left with no  confidence. for a moment,i almost said yes.but seriously, i’m glad i didn’t.

because, you just proven to me that i have made the right decision all along. as predicted though i really hope you could have just let me know how wrong i was for making that decision.

I’m pretty happy and satisfied with my life now.

Yes, sometimes, i was drown in the sea of assignments which spare me no extra time to eat or sleep.

Or, a little feeling of loneliness here and there at times,

Maybe, having tonnes of funs and laughter with loved ones,

Perhaps, a hair breath away in staying sane or go nuts.

but i guess,all these taught me how to be strong,responsible and sensible. i don’t buy words anymore;rather i take in action.which explain why i don’t believe words like “i’ll wait for you forever.”Life is just too mysterious for you to predict what happen next.

i don’t accept a relationship out of sheer desperation.i don’t fool around with feeling because i know how much it hurt and break someone’s heart.

i seek commitment,i seek understanding.life is no fairy tales,prince charming in folk tales never exist.all i need is just a simple man,who can make me feel comfortable,safe and loyal.

i’m sorry for not knowing what i want.but i know i make the right decision in rejecting it. no apologies is needed,just forgiveness and openess.

we may not ended up as what you want,but that doesn’t mean we can’t ended up as friends.but still,as i said,it’s all up to you.to prove whether you are a man worth it or not.