and oh, i finally found my way back here after abandoning my bloggie for more than a months.

come to think of it, i was drown in the sea of forever unfinished work ever since semester started. not to mention, berita kampus and convocation took up a lot of my time. to the extend that i hardly had any time left for part time job.

so, how should i said about my life ever since semester started? to be frank, i didn’t know how to put it except saying “Oh, well. that’s life for you.” i had my ups and downs; sometimes, i feel so good about myself. other times i feel so crappy, annoying and crappy. good things happened, so do ironic things. this semester is all about realisation.

jazz band. still the same old jazz band; same old people and same old drama. i’ve gotten a lot of silence treatment  (ah well,does it even make a difference since i’ve gotten that for ages?) which ironically comes from my batch-people who are once close to me and in the same flute section with me. and yes, i said i don’t care and i looked like i don’t give a damn about it. but deep down, it still hurts. it still do…….but i guess it doesn’t really matter coz no one gives a damn about it as much as i do. ironic yes it is.

but as ironic as it is, it teach me a lot of thing. i learn to stop wishing, hoping and expecting. i learn (real hard but still fail) to be selfish. i learn how to keep silence and observe people from a far…..bu that means,i’m learning to put up a lot of fake self as well…..good thing,no. coz i’m slowly losing my real self and god knows what i would do when that happened? and as much as i said i learn, i can never bring myself to apply those in my life as hard as i try. failure,yes!

it’s 30 oct, which means my birthday was 3 days before. i seems to get used to the idea that my birthday falls on a pretty crappy day. it’s either fucked up things happened or everyone was bombard with a lot of works or things to do. i don’t know but i guess, i’m turning into a green eye monster when it comes to that.

and i find it funny how i actually bring myself to say that when we was in a card game!  got a card- make a rule and i make it a rule that everyone gotta wished me happy birthday! now that i think of it, i had no idea why on earth i said that? perhaps, i was hoping real hard that i got a birthday wishes from them so much that it had taken over my mind…..massive failure again. *smack head*

but still, im grateful for the simple celebration i had for my birthday from people who are close to me……..i got 2 cakes!-one from coursemates and another from juniors in jazz band. =)

i’m still the unhappy person in the end….a brutal realisation. and you might have notice my writing style had change- it was much more crankier.

shall cut off all the crap……more pics and details bout life and recent langkawi trip coming soon.

excuse my crappy-ness. i must have been too tired. =/