I'm Amazed

I'm amazed,amazed at myself (no joke!)

i'm amazed how i could keep on wishing for the same thing over and over again even though i know the thing i'm wishing for,for it to come true almost sound impossible.

i'm amazed,amazed at how long i took to realise that no matter how hard i tried and struggle to be independent to the extend that i could settle everything on my on without relying on anyone,i still yearn to just rely on my parents.

i'm amazed at how i could keep asking and seeking the same thing from my parents over and over again even though i knew well enough that they'll ended up splashing me with cold water.

i'm amazed at how my parents never fail to send me 'running away' with teary eyes without letting them know how heart broken and disapointed i am towards them even though ii was being treated like that for countless time.

i'm amazed that just by watching and realising how different my brothers and i were treated could actually shatter my heart into pieces even though i've been in this condition for years.


and for that,i have no reasons not to amaze at myself.and to be frank,the fact that i'm still sane and could be rational never cease to make me feel amazed at myself for i'm pretty sure enough i'm just a hair breath away to be insane.miracle at works perhaps?

because of that,i guess i'm touch at the kindness that people show me.i admit,it makes me feel happy when my parents showed that they care for me but on the same time,i doubt those feeling since 'it's a burden!' is words i get since i was little whenever i request them to do something for me even though it's a simple trivial matter.


tell me,should i keep wishing for the things i have in my heart or try my ver best to let go of it?gaining back my human heart is not as easy as throwing it away and here's the truth;the bitter truth;i'm slowly losing my human heart;i hardly feel any emotion anymore.things that all these while manage to retain my heart the way it is,for how long my heart could be maintain that way??