a surprise phone call

a conversation that lasted for almost an hour

a call with the longest silence that fill in the gap

a conversation that was filled with regrets and questions.

i would love to accept your confession. i would love to give you a nod. and i’m glad that there’s someone that actually love me this much.

but i’m sorry i can’t. this heart does not belong to you. neither yours ever belong to me. i wished i could tell you, you once almost captivated this heart, but you let it slipped away. not everything in life offer you a second chance, not everything had a turning point.

you said you can’t afford to lose me. you kept on asking yourself why you fall in love with me in the first place. you felt like a fool most of the time because according to you, i kept on running away from the attention you gave me. you felt so alone as you have no one to turn to and simply because you felt no one understand you. and above all, you just couldn’t accept the fact that i rejected you and you can’t bear with the thought of losing me.

how could you lose me, when you never got me in the first place? why you kept on asking me why you fall in love with me in the first place, when i myself have no idea why? why do you, till now, couldn’t understand that i push you away simply because, i was afraid of the attention you gave me as i know we are not getting anywhere? how could you not to be alone, when you confined yourself in your own world and refused to let people that care for you in your life? why you couldn’t accept the fact that i rejected you when you are the one that loses the patience and let opportunities slipped away over and over again? and why you thought you would lose me when i’m glad to be just your friends, but nothing more than that?

above all, you make me doubt. doubts about you being genuine, sincere,patience and the desperation of getting a girlfriend.

a phone call

of past regrets, doubts, hatred, and unanswered questions

in the middle of the night

filled with tears and awkwardness