A Hidden Letter to Daddy

i remembered how i would pretend to fall asleep in the living room when i knew dad will be home late,
i remembered how i would pretend to be asleep when dad tried to wake me up softly,
simply because i wanted dad to carry me back to my bedroom.

i remembered how i wish dad would carry me to bedroom every night,
i remembered how i wish that my bedroom was a few kilometers away,
simply because i wanted dad to carry me longer.

i remembered how i would secretly grinned when i was in my dad's arm,
i remembered how i would smile when dad gently put me on my bed,
simply because i am happy that my plan work out.

i remembered how i would listen to the sound of the door being gently close,
i remembered how i would quietly dozed off,smiling after that,
simply because i am satisfied and felt bless.

i remembered how i love the feeling when dad carry me,
i remembered how i felt so safe in my daddy's arms when he carry me,
simply because dad's two strong arms never fail to make me feel so warm and safe.


that was when i was still a little girl.now that i'm a 21 years old young adult,i do yearn to have dad carry me to my bedroom,just like how dad would carry me when i was a child.i adore dad's big palms,dad's two strong arm and how those two strong hands can never fail to make you feel so safe and being love.dad's definetly not good in showing his love and care through words but somehow,his every single gestures and actions,no matter how tiny is it never fail to move me.and i love it when he's being protective over me in some times.


but daddy,
i'm a big girl now.i'm no longer a girl who barely reach 3 feet and still look so toddler.i'm no longer a kid who said 'yes' to the things you said-i rebel your decisions and force my way through at times.but that's i wanted to explore my surrounding and take new risks.i know you are afraid of me falling down but that's ok because i'll never grow up if i never step out from my cocoon.

but daddy,no matter how independent i may be,at the end of the day,i'm still your little girl.i know i'll always be one.that i can promise you.

daddy,
i know you won't read this.that's the reason why i wrote my thoughts down here.even though sometimes we quarrel,even though sometimes i rebel your words and decisions,even though sometimes i resent how unfair god is to me because you are not kind to me when we're in a fight,at the end of the day,i love you daddy.your every sacrifices,i remembered everyone of it.

daddy,
i love you daddy.and you know,i will always will.